'Crap Part 2: Recycled Crap' Part II

Allright. Enough about Transmorphers. Ridiculing it or pointing out what a piece of garbage it is is synonymous with describing the smell of feces. All you really need to do is say: 'Shit stinks', and no further detail is necessary. But I was just getting started. There are far more deplorable movies out there than Transmorphers, simply from the perspective that they are the beneficiaries of enourmous budgets and even more enormous hype. So powerful are these massive engines of marketing, that large segments of the population are actually convinced to the point of heated debate that the movie in question is possibly the greatest of all time, and this even before it arrives in theatres. Movies such as '300', and the upcoming 'Beowulf', are two I'd like to pick on for this. They are prime examples of how with a massive budget, the 'latest' in computer technology, and the results of marketing statistics, producers in Hollywood can ensure a profit at the box office without even having to be concerned about the quality or integrity of their product. In fact, this trend has become so established that I daresay the actual content of the movie has been assigned the same priority as the costumes: necessary, but all in all merely a part of the set.
OK. On to specifics. I've argued with friends at length about why 300 is a shitty movie. I confess that I may be a bit jaded, as I have read the excellent (fictional) account of Thermopylae by Steven Pressfield entitled 'Gates of Fire'. For those of you interested in the story of 300 (based on true events) but unsatisfied with all of the cheese involved in the movie production, I highly recommend this book. So about the cheese. My biggest concern going into this movie was that it was going to be a rehash of all of the fantasy/epic movies to come out in the past few years - and there have been many. My fear it turns out, was well founded, as evidenced right from the start. Being a musician of sorts I actually pay attention to the soundtracks of movies - not saying some other people don't, but if Howard Shore won an Oscar for his skull-crushingly tepid score in the LOTR trilogy then that's not a good sign. Starting with Gladiator and continuing with seemingly every movie that employs a sword as a prop since, the soundtrack contains at some point, usually the beginning, a female singer wailing a dirge in a 'middle Eastern' style key. I even remarked to my brother, sitting beside me in the theatre, that if 300 starts with this, it doesn't bode well for the integrity/originality of the rest of the movie. Needless to say, it does. So, now in a bad mood, I proceeded to (as I so often do) pick apart all of the glaring flaws in the rest of the movie, and store them for a time (such as now) when I could spill them onto digital paper for the benefit(?) of the few people who might read it.
(To be continued....)

'Crap Part 2: Recycled Crap' Part I

Hello. Recently I avowed never to contribute anything to 'MySpace', but I feel there is something I'm passionate enough about to want to express my view of it. Realizing that myspace is a piece of crap, I decided to create a blog instead. So, what caused me to do this? Well dear reader(s?), this something is the sad state of the Entertainment Industry. I would have been content to merely wait out this drought we're having (oh, it IS a drought - believe it) and merely gripe about it to my friends until either they stabbed me or my head exploded, until the other day in Blockbuster video I encountered what I feel to be the worst example yet of what is plaguing the quality of movies, music, and all other forms of Art that have been abused and/or raped by the Marketing Industry (i.e. all other forms of Art). Such an archetype of reeking dog-vomit is this film and all of the people associated with making it, that I was compelled by/against my will to get off my lazy ass and write about it. (Actually, I can safely maintain my self-professed mantle of laziness by pointing out that I am writing this while at work, and hence avoiding doing real work). But I digress. The item in question is known as the movie sensation: "Transmorphers". Wait....what? No, this can't be. Not ONLY did they (money grubbing producers) get that dipshit Michael Bay to brutalize the sacred cartoon Transformers, but they actually made a movie that is such a blatant rip-off, one has to actually wonder if (compounded by the fact that Transmorphers came to video one week ahead of Transformers) the marketers of this pile of steaming shit were hoping poor unsuspecting customers would rent it by mistake...? And if so, is it beyond the realm of possibility that the producers of these two movies are in fact the same group of cretins?
The plot of Transmorphers, if you actually care, is that humans have been driven underground by an invading alien race of gigantic robots that can trans'morph'. So what were dealing with here is basically the exact story of Transformers, only - wait for it - the humans have been driven underground!!!
What brilliant bastion of creativity came up with such an amazing concept? Why didn't the creators of Transformers think of that?
...... >>>----(X_x)------>
Guh...more on this later.